February 8, 2015
Dear Baby,
We got to see you for the first time this week. We went in
for our first ultrasound at a couple days shy of 6 weeks, and we saw you- our
little black dot nestled into a sea of gray. You are the coolest thing we have
ever laid eyes on.
You are the size of a sweet pea right now, which
surprisingly seems big to me given that you were just a poppy seed a couple of
weeks ago! Next week you’ll be a blueberry, and the week after a raspberry! And
then, before we know it, you’ll be graduating from high school, I’m sure.
It was the neatest thing getting to see you on that screen.
It helped me to make the connection that you are really there, growing every
day inside my body. It’s been difficult to really believe this is happening
because other than being really tired and really all over the place
emotionally, I feel pretty normal. (Also being tired and all over the place
emotionally isn’t particularly out of the ordinary for me…) Seeing you made us
take a small step toward understanding the reality of this blessing. This
miracle.
I go in for more (!) blood to be drawn tomorrow to make sure
that you’re growing at a good pace, and in a couple short weeks, we will go
back to see your tiny heartbeat. By then you will have little arms and legs,
which seems remarkable to me given that you look a lot like a shrimp today
based on my Google searches. I am crazy nervous and also so excited and hopeful
that we will see your tiny heart beating away when that appointment comes.
Right now I feel like you are a girl and I wonder so much
what you actually are. I could not care less if you are a boy or a girl- I am
just so proud that you are ours. I am constantly thinking of all the things I
can’t wait to teach you. Your daddy is making me us pancakes right now
on a Sunday morning before church. He will certainly teach you how to make the
perfect scrambled eggs and bacon, which superheroes belong to Marvel and which
belong to that other one, how to be respectful and loving, and all about movies
and trivia. Mostly you will learn from him about integrity and character and
loyalty. He is an expert in those fields.
I hope I will teach you, above all else, about kindness.
Beyond anything else you can be- smart, athletic, funny, whatever- if I can
teach you to be kind then I will have done my job. This will be a tall task for
someone with the patience of a puppy, but I am going to try very hard. I also
have a feeling that you will teach me a thing or two about how to be more
patient. I cannot wait for the adventures we will have.
Time for pancakes. I hope you enjoy them and that they make
your little arms and legs sprout.
I love you, Sweet Pea.
Momma
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