I have had several people ask me if I am nervous about
childbirth, or wish me good luck with the sleepless nights and the endless
diaper changes in the not so distant future. Parenthood comes with lots of new
experiences that can, at times, be daunting when you allow yourself to think of
them all at once. But like anything, I try to remind myself that all of this
will be fine when taken one day at a time. We will learn as we go about how to
handle each situation and will settle into a routine with Liam and eventually
find our new normal.
Honestly, what scares me most about having a baby is the
change that it will mean for my marriage. Everyone says that there is no way to
understand the type of love you will have for your child until you first hold
them in your arms, and I am sure that is so true. As much as I love him now, I do
feel a little like all of this is still sort of imaginary at this point- though
as the nursery furniture arrives and Liam’s movements become more like kicks
and less like flutters, the reality becomes more clear. I cannot imagine how
Bryan and I will feel and how our hearts will change once he gets here. I am
sure it will be overwhelming and will be something we could never grasp until it
actually happens.
I know it will be an amazing new love, and that it will also
deepen the love I have for Bryan as I see him become a father. He is going to
be so, so amazing at being a dad. I watched him dance with the flower girl at a
wedding we attended this past weekend, copy catting her most original moves and
just delighting this little girl- not caring a thing about looking silly- and
my heart swelled at the thought of him dancing around with Liam. Bryan was born
to be a dad.
However as excited as I am to witness him as a father, I
know that we are also in for a whole new level of sleeplessness and busyness.
We have babysat overnight a few times for our niece and nephew, and I remember
us looking at one another after finally getting them to bed and commenting on
how we hadn’t even had time to ask how the other’s day had been. There was so
much to do with dinner time and coaxing them into eating 3 more bites and bath
time and stories that there was never a minute to sit still! And this will be
normal, every night, without ever giving him back to his parents the next day
because the parents will be us. As exciting as all of this is, it is also
fairly terrifying.
Having little glimpses of the sheer chaos that comes with
parenthood makes it easy to see how couples lose sight of each other and their
marriages. I am sure that it is never an intentional move and that it is something
that probably happens slowly over the course of time, but it is easy to see how
exhaustion could lead to complacency in a relationship. I know that B and I
will have to be much more intentional about taking care of one another and
showing our love for each other so that we can put our marriage before all
else, including Liam, but it’s hard to know what that will look like. I often
hear people say “You just have to put your marriage first.” Okay- sounds good.
What does that look like? How do you do that on a daily basis? The reality of
how to practice that day in and day out is what perplexes me. My mom always
says that “the best gift you can give your child is to love your spouse and
love them well.” I want to be sure to give Liam and his future siblings that
gift, and to give Bryan the gift of putting him first in an effort to protect
this marriage with which we have been blessed. How that will work amongst the
craziness is what I am nervous about.
Since finding out we are pregnant, we have been extra
intentional about taking time to sleep in on weekends to snuggle and relax with
one another, knowing that our days of doing so are numbered. A few weeks ago,
Bryan and I were enjoying this one Saturday morning and were discussing our
mutual fear of losing each other in the hustle and bustle. “I don’t want to
miss you,” he said. That simple statement captured the sentiment very well, I thought.
I don’t want to miss my husband even though he is standing just feet away from
me and sleeping by my side at night. We both feel so strongly about fiercely
protecting our marriage, and I think we both feel a little unprepared at how to
do so.
If anyone reading this has tricks that have worked for them,
please share! I am sure this is a topic that hits close to home for many
couples with young kids, and I’d love to learn about some tangible ways that
you put your spouse first.
No comments:
Post a Comment