Growing up I always wondered what my new last name would be one day. What would my new monogram look like? Would it sound funny with my first name? Where would my kids fall in line when they got in alphabetical order to walk to music class in elementary school? (I always loved how early in the line I got to be as a "C"!)
So when B and I got engaged, the question I had wondered about was finally answered. I would officially be a Hill. (Bryan jokes with me that my noun to name ratio is about to increase drastically.)
To be honest, the concept both got me incredibly excited and made me a little sad too. It's surprisingly bittersweet to be closing one chapter and moving on to another. Don't get me wrong- it's not marrying Bryan that's the weird part. I have known I wanted to marry him for quite some time now and I am 100% ready to make that commitment. It's just that I LOVE being a Callahan. It's a great name. It's uncommon enough to be unique but common enough to where people (usually) don't ask you to spell it when you make a reservation. My parents are Callahans and I am really very fond of those two. It's automatically associated with being Irish, which means being awesome in general and also a good choice for a person with whom one should drink beer. And the occasional person I run across will ask me about Big Tom Callahan and brake pads, which always makes my day.
It's a lot to let go of. It's the person I have woken up as every day since forever.
Throughout the engagement, it has become a lot easier for me to picture. There is such a purpose for having a long-ish an engagement in my opinion. And I'm not just talking in terms of planning the wedding, though Holy Moses that is enough to be a full time job. There is a change that has happened in our relationship as we have prepared to become man and wife. I am fortunate enough to be marrying a man who really sees the value in preparing for marriage. We walked into our (required) pre-marital counseling with our priest with an open mind, excited to make progress on those issues we had discussed and said "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." The bridge was here. It was time to make some decisions about the way we planned to raise a family, handle money, etc. We got a lot out of that time. We also opted to do the weekend retreat instead of the day long option to give ourselves time to get away from the world and really focus on listening to one another. We learned a TON from the couples who lead the retreat about selflessness, about actively listening, and about making the choice to love one another (which is not always easy).
I say all of that because I feel like our year long engagement and the pre-marital work we have done have really brought us together to a place where we are truly ready to marry one another. And that means taking a step away from the family and the person I have been and taking a step toward Bryan and making our own, tiny, two person family.
This morning we got an email from the Ritz confirming our wedding night reservation and gathering some information from us. It started "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hill".
MRS. HILL- referring to me! My heart about exploded with joy and excitement!! I am so thankful for the engagement period where I was able to get used to the idea and get to a place with Bryan where we are ready to become our own family unit.
Appropriately, it's October 1st and I now get to say I am getting married this month. Next week, in fact. It's hard to believe that it's finally almost here. I am beyond excited and am most definitely ready to officially be a Hill.
I'd love to know if anyone else had these feelings. Did you have a hard time parting with your last name?
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